He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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