I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
