I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
