Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
