I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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