There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
