Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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