You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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