Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
