I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
