Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
