haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
