Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
