i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
