yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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