some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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