If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
