saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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