The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My ass is underappreciated
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
