yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
