wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
