even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
