That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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