It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
