i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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