I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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