i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
