I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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