It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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