On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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