$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
