someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
