If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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