I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
