It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
