I want you more than these girls want KFC
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
