New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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