the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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