i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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