thus making me awesome and them whores
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
