I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
