4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
