i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
