My friends, they love my intelligence
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
