He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
