Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
