You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you win again, gameday.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
