there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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