Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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