uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
