If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
