I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
