Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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